Five Variations on Being an Asshole

i.

young hearts of my young friends are bursting now

winter pipes if pipes ever burst in winter around here

i’m feeling a little between the lines but it’s better
because it’s not about me anymore, thank god
but then i go ahead and make it about me anyway (asshole)

ii.
i read a poem that turns me on

go outside and smoke a cigarette

try not to make any phone calls (asshole)

iii.

i used to make phone calls all the time

they went like this:

when was the last time you slept well?

when was the last time you slept with someone who loved you?

with someone who didn’t? did you love him?

was he a better fuck than me?

I don’t believe it (asshole)

iv.
it’s really amazing how long it takes people who love me
to quit doing that
and even after they quit loving me how much longer
to learn to hang up the damn phone.

I’m at least trying to keep my nose out of that mess now

feeling more and more between the lines but it’s better

because it doesn’t really hurt anymore

I’m having trouble writing now, though
(what a way to think, asshole)

v.
when was i quitting cigarettes or learning lessons anyway?
here are some lessons I’ve been wanting to learn:

‘how to exist as an atom or less and not worry’

‘how to love ceaselessly without getting your guts everywhere”

‘how to swallow hard and take a shower when you think 'suicide'

because it’s better than drowning.”

it is better than drowning,

--more and more these days, I swear.

(someday you won’t be an asshole, asshole)

someday you’ll be a field of flowers.