Budget

I am looking for money because I don’t have it.
There were a few months when I did but now
I do not, and I am no happier

so I feel as if it must still exist somewhere
lost but not spent.

I will check between the pages
of all of my old books
in the pockets of my old clothes
between the lips of my old girl.

I will not find it
because it has been thrown out
in my empty packages of cigarettes,
recycled in my empty bottles of beer,
walked away like a rose in the teeth of my old girl.

It’s not her fault.

She wanted a frugal and sensible love
Sunday morning public radio
and the occasional quiet night in.

I wanted a hollywood production
that went over budget in its realization
and cost even more when we decided to scrap it.